She Wanted Me Gone

 

The words hit harder than anything I had ever heard. I stared at Miranda, searching her face for anger, rebellion, something I could recognize. Instead, she looked terrified. Her hands were shaking, and her eyes were glassy, like she was forcing herself not to cry. She took a deep breath and said it again, slower this time, as if she had practiced it. “You need to pack your things.” My chest tightened. Thirteen years of bedtime stories, school lunches, doctor visits, and whispered reassurances suddenly felt like they were being erased with one sentence.

I asked her why. That’s when she broke. She told me she had found the adoption papers weeks earlier while looking for her birth certificate. She read them over and over, convincing herself that one day I might change my mind, that I had only taken her in because there was no one else. She said she felt like a guest who had overstayed her welcome, like the orphanage all over again. “I don’t want you to leave because you’re tired of me,” she whispered. “I want to leave first.” My heart shattered hearing that.

I sat her down on the bed and took her hands, the same hands I’d held when she was learning to walk. I told her the truth I thought I’d already made clear a thousand times. I didn’t adopt her out of obligation. I adopted her because I chose her. Because she was family. Because losing her mother felt like losing my sister all over again, and letting her go would have broken me completely. I told her that being eighteen didn’t end motherhood. It didn’t cancel love. It didn’t rewrite thirteen years of being hers and her being mine.

She started crying then, deep sobs she tried to hide in her sleeve like she did as a little girl. She admitted she was scared of becoming an adult and terrified that I would one day wake up and realize I never truly belonged in her life. Asking me to leave was her way of protecting herself from a pain she didn’t think she could survive. I pulled her into my arms and held her until her breathing slowed, until the fear softened into exhaustion.

That night, neither of us packed anything. We stayed up talking until morning, about her mom, about the orphanage, about how abandonment leaves scars that don’t always show until years later. We made a new promise, not as a desperate pact like I once made with Lila, but as two people choosing each other again. She would grow, explore, and build her own life. And I would still be here. Not because the law said so. Because love did.

Today, when I look at her, I don’t see the frightened five-year-old who lost everything. I see a strong young woman learning that family doesn’t disappear when you turn eighteen. Sometimes, it just has to be reaffirmed. And if she ever doubts it again, I’ll tell her the same thing I told her that night. She was never temporary. She was always home.